the possible truth

I meant to loose you would be doom
but then, I actually never had you
and you never me
so what are we talking about
I wish I could have everything
but that is not possible
so
it hurts so much so (I love this phrase)
now since everybody speaks of may
my confusion is even bigger
junasque you could say
because that is what I believe that june is what it is
a three weeks thing
maybe just a confusion also again
maybe it doesn’t matter
come monday
yet again, what difference does it make
since in every aspect I would stay alone
today, tomorrow, in a year
the digitalized one
forever
this is what drowns me in my sadness
I owe you nothing and vice versa
the  only ever truth is I am on my own
yes and I despise you for it
as all I was was just some taste
for a minute or two
or even less…
nothing for forever, only a game of stupidness
all is just games, not serious
yet, for me, it is all graveness as well as gloom.

 

the price of doom

the price is to loose
the bright side
of my moony dreams
missing all the rocks I once found
hurts me utterly
anyhow enough confusion
still
beyond belief
confused with time
now we wait
hopefully I am not irritated
by then
my mind goes in circles
it is calm inside
it just might look like it
what will be happening
in a few months time
I forgot what I had to say
at this very place
….

reality

I am in the biggest pain you could imagine
the biggest pain there is on the world
it hurts so damn much I almost can’t breathe
and I do not want to
breathe
I am going to put a hold to it
I will stop this whatever it is
so nobody can violate me anymore
nobody can dominate me anymore
nobody can humiliate me any longer
it is what you wanted
there are way more beautiful ladies to ravish than me
on this crazy, pain stricken planet
you have all the choice
I will be gone
you all will be satisfied
because that is what you wanted
that is what you bargained for
this is reality.

the tired one

my nerves are shutting down
due to so much stress
it is easier to sleep
than just to take all that nonsense
brought to me by hateful people
or
the thoughts that kill me inside
for which it is too late
those thoughts are not made for living
they torture me
so my nerves say ‘enough!’ we can’t have that anymoregenerate.phpheul1
and the rest of the body is left alone
and can’t deal
so they all just go to sleep
that is what my tiredness probably really is…
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yes it is overs

guess what: I get it
it is the only thing you tell me over and over
that it is overs and overs over anything
so let’s not hurt each other over the top
unnecessarily
and let it be over instead
I am not for endless pain and hurt
I want to be happy as want you
we are not meant for each other
we have to let go
because it is all in shambles
we are done and over with
I get you and what you want to say to me
you hate me
whatever fate we have to endure
it should be lived extensively
over and over and over again
I am so done with pain
there is no future
there was no real past
and there is definitely no present
we are all alone – well, at least I am
so, I hope I will forget soon
if you and all of them are over the moon about it
just be.

terror in the mirror – a girl’s note

the mirror does not tell the truth
’cause me am not what you want to see in me
I am what I am no matter what you say
I know it better
anyhow
I want to see into a face
like others in real life
I want to speak a name
I want to speak out your name
but I can’t
because I dare not and know not
name or face
even though the hints
does it matter something ’cause
you don’t see me as what I am
so what sense would it make
it just hurts
and you know not the truth, you fabulate one.

Richtungswechsel

for this day, I decided to change course
you are all out
this has done it forever
it seems I woke up to a completely new character
where  I can’t need you
any of you
we don’t know each other
and never have.
dieter-pelz-608936-unsplashIt is the same as dog conditioning:
you only do it with hurt
with as lots of pain as you can get together
when you are done conditioning
the dog will easily bite you to death
it is what dogs do
when getting hurt
and that is what conditioning does
it changes people
you were successful
you bastards.
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