Although everything is good now
and no worries to have to be
I am irritated by some things still
I hope I can gain my strength again
I wish to sleep through it
just now.



how to travel , Reisen für kleine und große Leute

die weite der welt ist nicht außerhalb von uns, sie ist in uns.
Die Grenze liegt tief im Inneren, und Außen ist die Prairie. Sie weitet sich in tiefe Ebenen voller Schluchten, die das Innere eines Jeden beinhalten, die Höhlen sind der Eingang zu den Grenzen, und ist man erstmal drin, kann man sehen, wie weit die Tiefe ist, und welche Höhen sie hat… unendlich.
Die Unendlichkeit ist endlich, aber erst dort beginnt die Weite, die Tiefe, die Höhe, das Unermessliche. Größe ist eben, wenn man ganz klein ist.


Manchmal hab ich solche Einfälle, keine Ahnung warum. Es kommt wohl aus den Weiten des Welt-Alls. Also aus mir heraus… Als Kind hab ich mich manchmal gefühlt, wie ein Atom… wie ein Punkt. Das war wie Fliegen…. nicht zu beschreiben. Ein so kleiner Punkt, oder wie ein Neutron, das kleinste was es immer gibt jedenfalls.


I feel nothing but devastated
my cheeks are burning up
yes it still hurts
I feel so helpless
you could have come and rescued me
now I am lost
and we will see
if it turns out good
if my feelings will stay
I am devastated by you
there is a storm in my head
it reaches down to my stomach
and everywhere around me
no, no, no, this can only be a nightmare
but at least – it feels right in the end

but even that is an illusion.

give me back my freedom

Today I broke away from a demon

he won’t be pleased I think

but it was more than I could take

I take it

the sarcasm was in the character
and that drew me away
demons are dangerous people
and it ‘s not worth it to spend time with them
not even on the internet
good buy demon
I want my freedom life back
and what it’s worth even more
I need my peace back
it is my life
and you have no say.


pleased by painful words

the most disgusting thing is
that this disgusting stuff is pleasing me in a way
since at least that means


I am still not forgotten
you won’t ever be
my heart bleeds thorns and scratches
why can’t I keep away from your painful words?

maybe we speak a different language,
you the technical saturated intellectual
I the emotional satiric fiery

but I will not lie to you
nor will I not surprise you
maybe my self will wonder you
you can never know.

fate original

I must be really faithful to sacrifice myself to this loneliness
but you don’t understand anything
I am really depressed about my loneliness
which is partly because of me and partly because of you
because I wanted to wait for something to happen
now it will never be
and it still hurts
you are gone
and I am stunned in pain
it was all wrong
so many accusations
so many excuses
I don’t know how to cope


society socially invented is not mine cause I am lonely which is not normal in this kind of world
I know today that it will never change
so far away it is all
I am really the lowest of the lowest so… I don’t even care for all the successful people in this world ( I am just a bum).

Or it is just fate.


which path is the right one?

End it the way you want
but I ask myself
how is it
that connection may seem important
while there isn’t even talk
and talks of endings
occur on and on
and my deed is to give up
how can this be
that when people try to make contact and connect1a4a047e3d90c6860ae4765a33762ba0
they are not deemed okay
and asked to stop
while the master says
go and wait forever until next life or some other lives
in infinity?
how, how, can this even hold?

I really struggle.15d82f8213c2e98331b26e72518b5c8a
So tomorrow, I will begin to end
Assured? Or am I on a wrong path
my heart is asking really
I guess I am hypnodiskut of my mind
but this is already going on for my entire life.a04065d9499f7aa2aaf1d55f1da0fd04