In search of diversion

Trying to take my thoughts off my lost job.

Trying to get a lot of distraction. It’s so difficult, because I am so disappointed.

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I lost you

Today my world ended. I lost you. I lost my job. I lost a future. I lost something terrible. I lost something wonderful. I lost myself. I lost integrity. I lost hope. I lost to be someone. I lost you forever. I lost something what wasn’t there. I lost my fantasy. I lost what I should have left where it was. I lost many things in one. I lost the game. I should be happy.  But I can only see the black sea, and the big void. I am dying inside. Anyway, it’s over and it won’t begin, so good bye to you. Whoever you would have been, who ever you are.          I am lonely. And the quietness is killing me.  I must come to myself again, which is kind of difficult when there is nothing else but me. I got used to the loud surroundings, to the thrill of waiting for something of what I was afraid of, and now there is nothing. Just tranquility, which is terrible. I miss you and I miss the wideness of a room. I don’t know what I want…

It seemed too good to be true. And it wasn’t true. Now I can see that.

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