Being completly retro

… watching 21 Jump Street (the series) on a tube television. And anyway all the movies from the 80ies and 90ies.

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Ischias.

Ischias. Ganz schlimm. Ich kann mich fast nicht bewegen. Zwei Schmerztabletten intus, nee, schon drei. Trotzdem is es schlimm. ER schreibt nicht, sagt nichts, ist stumm, das tut ganz schön weh. Mich macht das alles wahnsinnig… Die Wunde heilt. Aber die Schmerzen gehen ja nicht weg, sie wandern nur woandershin. Mein Herz ist gebrochen. Jeden Tag neue Enttäuschungen… ich hab so sehr genug von allem. Darum blockiere ich, bin wie gelähmt und mag mich nicht mehr bewegen… Es tut alles so weh.

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Watching Trooping The Colour

I was thinking today: I’d rather be a subservient that can adore his Queen, than a subservient that has to be ashamed of his ruler, like ministers in some other countries

for example.

What a sad thing, that I have to watch from a distance, since I really adore the Queen for her way to be the sovereign of her countries. She gives us back so much in her own way.  There is always so much colour in her country, and so much humor in what she says or how the British are in general. I love her for that.

May she live long and prosper for very, very long.

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Summer is beyond me

It’s summer and I don’t see it, feel it, live it. I’m out of summer. Thinking how I will live the rest of my life. Still, it’s not long before end. And I am not prepared. Since I am out of family, I could travel the world, where ever I want to go, only, lack of money, this is not an option.

Waiting to find an idea.26415ca4fb3a74c81ca5f4164cc6a307

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Just finished

When you have lost someone through suicide, your life will never be the same again. Plus, nobody can heal your soul anymore, nobody.

It was stupid to think so.

I am dying inside.

Every minute of the day, of the night.

I am gone too.

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