America is a synonym to me right now

Oh my god… it just struck me in between my eyes: the USA is currently like my own self, building a great wall around themselves, out of fear and denial. So they feel lonely and angry at the same time and fearing of never getting out again, not able to change their now-state at the very moment.


Oh my god.



The lying President, where is Batman, Spiderman and them all?

This is all a nightmare. To me, the things in USA seem to be like a comic strip, not real at all. More like unreal. May this not be for long…

I wish there was a real Spiderman or Batman. We need them now.

Thanks to all those protesters, and you have my inner understanding. Sadly I can’t be with you there…

but you are definitely right. But stay safe… please.

It breaks my heart as I am writing this. This can’t for real take 4 long years… honestly.

This world annoys me so much, with this system that is so full of lies. Their rich and safe world is blocked and hidden,  only  a safe world for their own spouse and kids and families, not for those, who they just sworn to give peace to or who they sworn to protect, that is the American people, All of them.



Crying and very sad

I am really crying, and very, very sad, watching the ceremony on CNN, now at 17:00 in Germany.

Such a sad day.   Good bye, America as I knew it. Oh, wait. I never knew it and never will.

As “greatful” as I can be. As an “average” person, quote… someone very “important”.

But enough with the words. I must go crying again.

I am not rich so failing, fuck you Trump and your tweets

How familiar this is to me. To say, “everybody”, while the ones you don’t address, are in the room as well.

That really hurts.
I just hope, that America will not be so sad today, the world is looking and we won’t break with you. Anyway.

Even if nobody even cares what I, a poor, black and white, ugly, old, totally unimportant and jobless (how disgusting, right?) person has to say.

Fuck you world of the rich. Is what I want to say. But I am too nice to say that. But for me, my life/world is broken down anyway and I am dead anyway. So, to the living human beings, who have everything going for them and who have a future unless me, I say: good luck to you all! Fuck you.


For me it will be comfort food for inauguration day

Lol, I was thinking this word, “deplorables” means

“die zu deportierenden”.

Sometimes, when there are new words for me, I assess for myself what it could mean, before I open a dictionary. It is kind of fun, but from time to time I am completely wrong.

What for the word libtard, I don’t have a clue? Something nasty  for their opponents, I am sure…

I still love the Americans, not to confuse that with not being happy about the events in the USA…

Anyhow, I am learning a lot from twitter tweets and the comments there these days. Thanks everybody, there is a lot of grammar help and spelling help. (Not for me though since I don’t have an account there yet.)

Great. At least at this point, America is still great enough. No, only kidding.

I bought comfort food for the day tomorrow, I might need it as consolation. Since tomorrow my Dream of America will be obviously  gone for a veeeery long time.

It is so depressing.


Your own alike

I always thought, the world would be hold up by the interest in others. Those, who are different from you. But in fact, the world is hold up by thinking about yourself, only accepting the ones who are the same as you, do the same things as you, and look all the same as you.

I really detest this earth… the earth of the so called “humans”, that is.

Since I am different from everyone, I am not liked by anyone. (The like on the internet does not count…) I am not inside the groups of people who are the same, not one single group would fit me. That is so weird… I wonder, how on earth could I have made it on to the world. Whereas I am only me and not alike anyone else.  Not even anyone in my so called “family” looks like me. On both sides. I am just an orphan…. if you want. Funny, really. And weird at the same time.

When I start speaking English, or a bit French, people tend to think, I am from somewhere else necessarily, because of my looks. They don’t even realize that I learned these languages on purpose, by myself and as a foreign language. Yeah, that is disgusting. It annoys me a lot… But as a half German, I have to say that I can’t find anyone here who understands it, or who might even come to the understanding on his own. Germans are not very smart people. Of course not, or they would not have to apologize for the last one thousand years… Therefore, I need to hate myself a bit, since I am a part of them (not from my looks, and not from my – oh, well, that is already it, wow, who would have thought that!, okay, my behavior is probably not so stupid, and not so foreigner hateful…).

Well, yes. I used to love America. But now, I think, as a grown-up, I learned that this world is not about being interested, but about race, color, and the all alike behavior and looks (fashion like) and about how smart you are (have you spend your time at a college or have you just spend your time in lazyness? for example), and if you have money or not (again the same as have you spend your time being smart on college or being lazy on the streets), yes, it all hurts… you have to take it like a grown up. At least I grew up and left my inner child back in nowhere land.



Nature made a bad deal with Trumputin

With Trump, what is to say, with Trumputin, nature will suffer big time and  will have a huge enemy.

How could you all. Disgusting. I feel bad for the animals, for wildlife and their environment…

Not to mention that everybody is laughing about him (memes and so on), and this is really, really embarrassing. No good at all. Trumputin is a big disaster for the whole world, and I don’t mean only the humans.

Most people (human beings???) must have lost their minds. 202

So sad… no, I could not keep quiet. 9810bb805478d59b4580b258bbed59c1



Wrong conjectures in life

When I understand, that most of my classmates, colleagues, so called friends, teachers, family members, doctors and educators were racists, I came from the totally wrong assumption to be a bad person, just because I was who I was.

This is over today, since I see clearly now. I am a good enough person, black or not, white or not, different looking or not, I am as good as they were (and even much better I think because I don’t have such a heart of stone like them).

Wrong assumptions my hole life!

Eating apples again

Finally, the Christmas season is over and I can return to eating healthy again. What a relief. But for my weight, it is still a long way, as each year. I will get there… sometime. Or so I hope.

Fresh green apples… yummy. I don’t know, how I could eat so many sweets and chocolate cookies (or other cookies) the whole time. Since November! No, it’s over and I will eat healthy and not so many calories anymore. I really suffer from my weight, I don’t like it. It gets to be not nice, and what about all the trousers I bought, I should still be able to wear them, and in case my weight will soar, I won’t get into them anymore. At least, I can’t wear nothing, can I, outside. Yes, I see it somewhat pragmatic. 09bf7c99dc3458ab815711e44f9e83fd

And since I can’t change the world, or be somehow interesting to people, or have a career or be a mother or be somehow in the society, I decided to stay calm and just go on as nothing had happened. Living in peace (even if it is only just an illusion) is the best way for me, being an artist (as far as I am concerned, I know nobody else would see me that way )… and have a rest now and then. Fighting is so exhausting…