America is a synonym to me right now

Oh my god… it just struck me in between my eyes: the USA is currently like my own self, building a great wall around themselves, out of fear and denial. So they feel lonely and angry at the same time and fearing of never getting out again, not able to change their now-state at the very moment.


Oh my god.



Eating apples again

Finally, the Christmas season is over and I can return to eating healthy again. What a relief. But for my weight, it is still a long way, as each year. I will get there… sometime. Or so I hope.

Fresh green apples… yummy. I don’t know, how I could eat so many sweets and chocolate cookies (or other cookies) the whole time. Since November! No, it’s over and I will eat healthy and not so many calories anymore. I really suffer from my weight, I don’t like it. It gets to be not nice, and what about all the trousers I bought, I should still be able to wear them, and in case my weight will soar, I won’t get into them anymore. At least, I can’t wear nothing, can I, outside. Yes, I see it somewhat pragmatic. 09bf7c99dc3458ab815711e44f9e83fd

And since I can’t change the world, or be somehow interesting to people, or have a career or be a mother or be somehow in the society, I decided to stay calm and just go on as nothing had happened. Living in peace (even if it is only just an illusion) is the best way for me, being an artist (as far as I am concerned, I know nobody else would see me that way )… and have a rest now and then. Fighting is so exhausting…



power outage by a poltergeist ?

A few minutes ago, there was a small power outage at my home, shortly after the lamp near my bed started to flicker wildly and then went out all of a sudden. I was so terrified, since I am so afraid of the dark. Luckily, I always have two flashlights near my bed, in case this might happen. So, it happened. I was shocked and I was kind of angry on the ghost, because he/she was obviously in a playing mood, while I was tired and wanted to go to bed.

Yes, think bad of me, but I wanted to tell the “ghost” to piss off, when the lamp started to flicker, and at the very second, I said to him “leave me alone and piss off!”, the lamp flickered aggressively, and then, all of a sudden, with a small “puff”, the light, the laptop, and just everything, went out. I tried hard not to scream because I am really, really, really am so scared of darkness. That is why I have to have a little nightlight near my bed, or at least somewhere in the room…

Probably interesting, I was working on a small Polymer clay cane, that looked like a ghost face. But of course, it wasn’t meant to be an insult to any ghosts. Don’t know if I loose my mind. But I know that there is something, something going on. And the ghost is angry…  at least, this time, it seemed to be an aggressive behavior. Not nice.

Now, I finally can go to bed. Since,  I managed, with help of course, (of my mum since I am such a terrible boring ugly woman I don’t live with a man), to put the fuse back in and put a new light bulb inside my lamp, which I did on my own of course, what do you think (?)… So, light is on, and in some hours, the sun will come back too, so, I can easily go to sleep without fear. Am I not a stupid girl.

I hope so much, this is just a story that I make up. Because if this really is a poltergeist, we are in stage 3 already and it can only get worse… oh, yes, I know I am crazy. But there is more than you can think in the world. And I know I have issues, problems and that my heart is in an uproar… All these symptoms where there can be  a poltergeist around. Let’s hope, this isn’t true.