Leistungsgedanken

Wir, die Leistungsgesellschaft. Upps… hab ich “wir” gesagt? Nee, ist klar. Saudi-Arabien mit seinen tollen Araberpferden zB, im Gegensatz zu deutschen Trabern, (ja ich mag halt Pferde, so what)  hat noch nie Leistung gebracht, überhaupt viele andere Länder als Deutschland haben eher keine Leistung gebracht, das muss Deutschland, das Land das nicht selber denken kann (viele sind da ungeheuer faul, nicht zu vergessen!), unbedingt betonen.

De Maiziere hat sich mal wieder selbst übertroffen. Große Leistung!

Es ist wohl kein Wunder, dass ich aus der Gesellschaft ausgeschlossen wurde. Ich habe ja keine Leistung erbracht. Sogar meine Tante wurde nicht müde, als ich dreißig wurde, zu betonen dass ich es zu nichts gebracht hätte. Ihre Kinder haben es auch nicht bis zum dreißigsten geschafft, aber was soll’s. De Maiziere hätte noch erwähnen sollen, dass Deutschland auch das Land ist, welches in Beleidigungen und Bewertungen ganz groß ist, dass es auch im christlichen Missbrauch gaaaanz groß ist, ja, eine Gesellschaft von Kinderschändern und Machtmissbrauchern, das ist Deutschland. Burka sicher nicht, gut, kann sein, ich habe dazu keine Meinung. Aber Deutschland sollte lieber ganz still sein, denn es rühmt sich mit Leistungen, die die Welt ganz klein gemacht haben und sehr viele träumen davon, das Land zu verlassen. Es kommen ja eh auch immer neue, da braucht sich die “Leistungsgesellschaft” keine Sorgen zu machen, Sklaven für ihre Hochleistungsfrabriken und Hochleistungscallcenter und wie sie nicht alle heißen gibt es genug. Erben gibt es auch genug, die können die Leistungsgesellschaft stützen wo es geht (tun sie nicht, diese Egoisten), Erbengesellschaft sollte es eigentlich heißen. Leute die zu faul sind weil sie nichts leisten müssen um zu überleben. Aber was sag ich… Neid frisst mich auf, werden die Nerben jetzt sagen, äh, die Erben. Nerben ist eigentlich eine Mischung aus Nerv und Erben. Aber mehr leisten kann ich wohl nicht, ausser die Leute zu nerven. Haha…. Einige “Erben” haben mich erfolgreich aus ihrer Leistungsgesellschaft geschmissen und nun steht hier halt das Monster, dass sie sich vom leistungsstarken Leib halten wollen und “fürchten” sich, rennen den Populisten die Türen ihrer Villen ein und schreien: Leitkultur! Wir brauchen eine Leitkultur!!! Die “Nerben” reissen die Tür auf und schreien zurück: ja, Leitkultur, Leitkultur kommt”!!!

Da fällt mir nichts mehr ein.    Mir, der leistungsschwachen Störerin der Erbengesellschaft mit Leitkultur. Wie sagt man in Österreich? Geht scheißen.

 

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Old things…

I want them to vanish. My old furniture, my old things, things from my past, from my whole life should just vanish into thin air… can you imagine, that I still sleep on the bed I bought in my 20s? That I still found some clothes from that time in my closet? Oh, I bet you can’t. Most people have jobs, can buy new things over the time, can separate from things that hurt them or remind them of their past. I couldn’t do that due to joblessness and no income. Yes I should feel like scum and like and old, worthless piece of furniture, covered with fungus and mold. Indeed I feel that way…

I bingewatch “Quantum Leap” with this Sam Becket guy at the moment ( no, not right now), and I always imagine how he would leap into me somehow and wonder, what I am about right now, hating or regretting what he might see. And his partner Al, would probably say something like ‘ you are a mixed race girl, which is currently struggling hard in life, or well, she did her whole life, struggling I mean. And you are hated by everyone, of course by these white guys…  You never recovered from this or that and in the end, you lived on the streets, and dying of cancer since no doctor wanted to help you, because you were homeless.’ Or some of that sort.

The wounds from my family hatred are so big, I think they will never heal. No wound I have will ever heal, my soul is too broken up, as is my heart, which was broken so often that it almost kills me. I presume, that when you have a severely broken heart, it is not able to mend itself, nor can it be mend by others. Some days are more difficult than others, some are possible and others are just insufferable. Then it is like I have to wear heavy stones around on my back.  Sometimes the loneliness gets to me, while on other days, I feel safe being alone, while the war is outside and I am sure every human being would be unfriendly to me anyhow. Well, it is not like a psychotic state, but well, listening to the news or reading them is not really helpful for scared individuals…

I  will even buy some pepper spray and some alarm things you can put to your key chain. I believe it necessary these days, especially if there are several natural enemies to people like me: the black people because I have white part in me, and the white superior people, since of course I am partly black. That sounded somehow funny, but I was serious here… ;-p  And then there are all these terrorists, white and Muslims all alike of course, or should I better say, German scum idiots who call themselves Nazi shitholes, and the ones that like to rape innocent women on the streets, and those who are the good and the right ones which are so good they are so dangerous that you should run while you see them from far away, raking their garden entrance. Well, we have this sort of people in the neighborhood. 😉 Not to speak of the severe dogs and some cats, hiding in the bushes near the way. Well, it is a jungle out there. (That is actually taken from “Monk”, the notorious and neurotic detective…)generate-phpbequiet

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Facebook, I can read your thoughts already…

Well, Facebook conceits itself, obviously…. lol. Well, why don’t you just ask me to do the job?? Since I did this already with several people, or, vice versa, they could read my thoughts and answer to question I did not even have to speak out, they simply answered to me, while I did say/asked nothing. But I was satisfied because the thought I just head was totally answered.

And Facebook needs  technical features for doing that, very sad actually.

But not everybody can be great, can he. ;-p

Nor is XMR-Squad. Poor of you indeed. Well, I will never be part of Facebook, I don’t need this poor social feature to run my life… you would probably say, well, she has no life so she is too embarrassed to use Facebook. So what. I am not a liar nor am I using other people and users for my own good, like most Facebook users do.  And I don’t say I am a hacker for the greater good and then destroy others peoples lives over my own intentions.

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Sometimes “bombs” are a “good” idea…

Sometimes, I have the urge to blow everything up in the air. I even have the urge to blow up thin air… like now. To blow my whole life into pieces and just walk away from it all. From all the people that hate me (everybody in Europe and around the world obviously and especially these nazi-type people, also including my mother and family),  from all the miserable moments in my life, which makes literally each moment….

Yes, sometimes it is time to say good bye to all of you, all of those things that I own, all the ways I act and all the people I know.  And thanks to those disgusting xmr- squad guys, I did not receive my package today, and not over the whole week. You disgusting assholes.

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Love, Always, from God

And there it is, this feeling like in my childhood days, when I felt so lonely and there was this hand on my head, while nobody was in the room. Now I feel the same way.

God is always with us, and although I always think, how kitschlike this sounds and how ridiculous I find that, it might be true. He will send you so much humbleness, hat tears are the only option. Yes I feel so small and he makes me feel so great at the same time, his love is so huge, it can take everything. So that makes him kneel before you, while you are small like a neutron. In return, that makes him bigger than anything in the world… well, that is simply a spiritual experience, everybody can have that…

He is in the darkest room, and can be seen with the blindest eye, and also felt if someone has a numb feeling on his skin. The thing is, that he is nowhere and therefor everywhere, because the universe is so big, that he can’t possibly be seen by us… but he is in every space of us and of the world.

It is as if you were a disobedient kid, he will still come and be so big and show you respect and love, and this makes you so overwhelmed, because he should not have to do this. Only, he does. Always.

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