I am totally messed up.
I should not have looked so much into the past. It just hurts.
Maybe, they are true by saying, nobody should know about their secrets. Because it can put you into misery. And also, it is so unnecessary to know. Know everything, I mean. It is just so painful…
I mean, yes it could also be the black magic thing that messes everybody up. It is something nobody should ever do, but they do it, I did it, and it disturbed me, it’s probably the root of all evil that happened to me and (with them) and shows, how dangerous it is to conjure any possible things. It was sin to do and it comes back to you eight times over, as it did to me. It is not nonsense, it is real, really dangerous and disgusting and helps nobody. I was young though and did not know better.
I just hope, people will understand, that there is no way out once they did black magic and even Egyptian magic, which I tried, (a ritual with a demon) and that people will stay away from such things. So their lives will not be that messed up like mine was.
I just say this because I read a book about them where this subject with the black magic and Crowley was also up, and I think now, maybe not knowing all this was better… I tried to find out what happened in my life and it lead me to read these books and watch youtube videos and find everything I could I did not know yet about Scientology (so I said it), and it is just not a good idea. I am just messed up know.
The thing is, there is such a thing like the devil and some bad entities and they are around, no matter what, so this will always look for people who are interested in them and it will have it’s way, one way or another and there is no such thing as there isn’t any of this, as some people want to believe. They say, there is no devil and there is just God or good things in life. Not true. Just, you should not look for those entities. They are out there. And by doing these damn rituals, you just take them on and they will follow you every where. I guess, I can’t make it undone. Or better, I can’t undo it anymore. I am so sorry. For everybody I meet will have this much trouble, so I stay inside all the time. Well, there are other reasons for that as well, but… I am messed up. Just as it is. I paid big time.