Dying from digits



•aching body due to some brutal devices•

My body kind of aches, as so is my soul. It aches horribly and intensively. Though I feel a bit better since yesterday, which was a terrible day. My uncle was here, and my mother came to hospital. So, I was worried sick, but also went with other worries in my mind, which boggled me the whole time through. Funny though, there were many not so ill looking people near or in the hospital, funny considering the late hour… but I did not give too much attention to it, I tried not to give them the impression, that I cared about them too much.

Was annoying anyway, the whole thing, because I and my uncle don’t get really along so good. He always teases me and I don’t like that at all. In the end he gave me the advice to organize myself better, even when I told him before the flat is a bit unorganized at the moment due to the gap in (before) non existing furniture and so on, but that is so usual for this family, that I get insulted each time I see them, for whatever reason possible.

Although I wonder, why should anyone be jealous at anyone running around with exactly  me , but I don’t have to understand everything…  if that were the case at all.

So I’m obviously left to my own brutal devices… lol…

But I must have such a face, where people like to put a punch into. Just a fact.  I really, really hate my life. 59fff8ae08b292a40eef167d704c18caspinne18


Now I sit alone in my flat, which isn’t really my flat at all (from relatives)

and I know am at a point

where everything is lost or could be lost

I am a robot today

and I have no tears

only, they will come sooner or later…

The quietness in the apartment is spooky in a way…

I don’t know what to do next.

When everything is over in another context

I am over too.

But that is life



Nobody reads me…

Well… nobody reads me, but I know that already. Most people misunderstand me, obviously. My writing is too depressive, so people are appalled by me and think bad of me. I know that as well, for sure. Well, somebody told me. That there is sometimes humor, nobody notices. I feel invisible anyway, but that goes to show, that people talk about the parallel societies, which breed in some extend terrorism, so there is a general suspicion about people like me, who are not involved in any society whatsoever. Does not matter if you are born in the country you live in or not… it is more evident, that people hurt your feelings as a not fitting in person. Yes, nobody speaks to me, that is the normal way… a world that gets darker ever day, while people tend to compare themselves to me, while they don’t even have the same problems like the so called aliens, or in Europe, foreigners, or even mixed races. In my childhood, people treated me the same way the would treat other children, thinking, the background was not even interesting, but it is. It is appalling to forget the background of a person, and tell them, well, you simply have something like a adjustment disorder, while it is all about being not accepted as a part of the “normal” society… Expecting, that a foreign child or a foreign person has the same things to manage as the “normal” residents, is extraordinarily stupid. But, societies breed their own terrorism with not educating their own stupid children about acceptance, love, understanding and integration. I am not sorry for them.

Well, writing does not help, as always. We are doomed anyway. At least the mixed races people and all the aliens and foreigners. Maybe, I should have made a disclaimer, that all this was only for the ones with the same background as me.  Sadly enough, that people need disclaimers all the time, that they use not to think on their own, which results in being insulted (at least they feel that way), which is just stupid. 159154

Disclaimer: sometimes you can stumble about some sarcasm in my blog, mixed with some humble humor. Beware. 9810bb805478d59b4580b258bbed59c1