A disclaimer: this is NOT a blog from some “squirrel”…

Just to make this perfectly clear.  (I love this word, lol…)

I can only say, well, I want to believe what I believe and I do what I do, and I practice whatever I want, the same way I would let other people do whatever they want  and let them believe whatever they want to believe.

Maybe, people become the impression, I might have contact to a squirrel group or I myself might be a squirrel. Well that is wrong. I never met any Scientologists in my life.   (And this is wrong again, I know… sorry….)  But, well, before that all occurred, I mean.

I was so spiritual my whole life, although I was raised in the catholic faith. (Wrong again, because the school I attended was infiltrated by Scientologists, I think, since my class teacher, who was not a nun like most of the teachers, liked to say ” I only help the able, not the unable”, and I was in her eyes very unable, since I was so shy and so ill with a cold all the time and so weak and just a very sad little girl, she did not like me one bit, and she really only helped the able, so I don’t believe anymore that she was a catholic, after what I learned from books these days. This teacher wanted me to leave the school,  I was not good enough for her… I did leave and ended up having a miserable life due to bad education.)…

So, I make this disclaimer, once and for all: I am not a squirrel, I am only telling stories about my dreams and about how I feel and about what I experience in my life.  I don’t even have these kind of books and nothing is as you might think.  Well, they will notice when they will go through my stuff, after letting themselves in with the new keys they now have. Yes I am not stupid and I can count to two at least.

Very sad, that Scientology finally goes after completely innocent people, who are no squirrels, never spoke out against Scientology,  or did anything against them, nor had the intention to limit them. I am a free person in a free world, and this is a luxury obviously. I am very poor and I would not even be able to get any Scientology courses, and as I mentioned somewhere else, I don’t need them, since I don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t do drugs, and have clairvoyance all my life from a very young age on, without, I repeat, without any  squirrel-like auditing or  from any church.  I just don’t know where it comes from.  For me, it’s a mystery.

For me, it belongs to my life, and this is just a try to explain it to myself, and why and how this can happen, because it startles me too. So, when I speak about it, I only want to make it easier for myself to get a grip on things. Not more, not less. I don’t want to drag people into something. I don’t want to inspire people with it. Nor tell people what kind of “superpowers” there are. It is not a superpower, but a very annoying thing most of the time. Because, the use of it is…?  Yeah, I don’t know either.

And if I want to believe in aliens, so what? If I want to believe in further things? Am I not allowed to do so in my lonely life? With me alone and nobody around, speak, church? So what? I am a solitary, because groups freak me out and in school, they laughed at me, so this is how I prefer to be: alone.  And this is how this all started, I wanted to be alone and someone could not let it go.  I was in a bad mood (after reading some stuff and listening to stuff from youtube, I understand better what this means for Scientologists, and I might be a high risk for any Scientologist, since I am so sad sometimes, and so not open to anyone anymore. I was the most open person in the world, earlier, but that is history, I think…); and I could not understand and not answer perfectly and all was a whole mess, and I made it even messier not answering correctly, I just wanted to have my freedom. Today I know I was in a state where nothing worked and it was simply wrong time wrong place, but that happens in life. I feel sorry for that now, but what can I do?  I was so unfriendly and for him, it was probably like I had a “withhold” (so called, in normal it means probably to not be open enough and to not tell what really was going on, what I did not want to tell, I thought it is only my business.)

I know today, that some people might have written reports about me (very obscure because I am as I mentioned not a Scientologist),  at least that is what I believe happened. Then someone called (Miscavige) got angry or astonished or whatever… and then there it was.  And then it all unfolded to even more mayhem and anger, since I did not get/understand the justice system the Scientologists have, but instead using my own one from the “normal”  Wog world.  No?  Oh, I might never get an answer to that, I must simply try to take it as it is and live with it.

 

I don’t think there were ever any Scientologists in my life that told me to believe in this or that, e.g. aliens or clairvoyance or any of that stuff or any tec.  I was surrounded by so called Christians. If any, I learned that from my own thoughts, it is how I explain the world to myself, due to experiences, things I saw or lived through, and so on. I did not even watch  alien movies when I started to write down stuff like alien abduction stories (in school for a project, for example) and it basically came out of nowhere.  Yeah, maybe not exactly out of nowhere but that is where the mystery begins, I have no idea.

I just want to say: there is no need to be nervous. But who am I telling this to.  If LRH is nervous, everyone has to be. I understand that.  But to think for yourself has some advantage, just saying.

The word describing all that is: empathy. I want to know things to have empathy towards people, and also for people who believe other things than I do.  Because that is where a peaceful world might start from.

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… and my religion is…

Well, and this is what happens, when “someone” becomes your “religion”.

It is so overwhelming in the end.  I cried yesterday, because I found out so many things I had already seen and I did not know. In 2002, I began to write a story, well about “someone”, and I went on writing over the years and I thought it was total fiction, also about me, and about him an his passion (his religion I think because it can’t be anything else, or these people who were around him and me ), but I did not know then, that it was about “him”, or about a religion. You know. I wasn’t aware who and what that was I was writing about. It was just for fun… and because I wanted to be a writer.  Writing by seeing into the future which is not written by then is like, the feeling to an extend where nothing makes sense… but actually, I thought nothing of it, I thought everything was as normal, I blanked out completely on what was not so obvious.

Yesterday I read my story again after all these years (which I luckily did not throw away as I had planned) and many details are as far as I know true, and are  fitting in.      It was clairvoyance, what else?  And then it shook me and I had to cry.       It is not for anyone to read of course, it is not finished or  good or anything, but it shows the many things which happened and are happening in the last three, four years and ongoing I think, to me it is shocking but as well wonderful. It is like a bond which was invisible and unknown to me.

It is either telepathy or something else, which I don’t know yet…. and it makes me wonder, nobody can say, that clairvoyance doesn’t exist. Because it does.

He must have such a strong mind. To me, that is mind-blowing.