And now I also get, why in one of my dreams I was in a “therapy group”, and why the people yelled at me and isolated me while we sat in a room without any windows and they insulted me, by saying I would stink, they obviously smelled my perfume on me… (hence, they are not allowed to use perfume)… They must have been Sea Org Members or Staff. So obvious.
I lost most of my memory of course. It was simply gone. Until now.
But, it is kind of weird, because nothing bad came of it, he is so nice to me… ? I’d still be loyal to him and would probably do what he says, whatever he wants me to do or feel, I think that sounds really like I have been programmed perhaps, but that is how I feel towards him. It still confuses me. Because what he is concerned, I can’t get angry at him or hate him or anything like that. Although he probably did what he did. It is all so weird. At least it seems so quiet, except for the people that were photographing my street and all that weird stuff going on (not much though). I have this strange feeling of weirdness and being observed, but I try not to let it get to me. Maybe they would even say, well, she lost her wits and she does not know what she says. Of course they would. But I know who I am and I know how to read my dreams and my own way/state, so I know it can’t be a scam that I just made up. Yes, the incident happened, at least the question and talk part, which was gruesome intense and he would not budge an inch from his questions, I never experienced that before. I feel like I am trapped in thinking about it, therefore I wanted to distract myself with drawing and so on. But it doesn’t really help yet.
I would still call it a trauma, no matter how much “fun” I might have had (sure, I don’t know that, I wasn’t really “on board”… only my body was, I might have been drugged.) There was even this dream where I got something from him (a good looking guy with a cap on), some sweets or so and I was fending it off but he would not budge but give it to me. I paid no attention to that sequence since I did not understand or attached it to anything. But I guess, everything will return to me eventually. Or at least the most important things. I hope so.
And the blue eyes? Well, I think that is not a mystery either anymore.