while I write, you can watch, while I read, you can watch, and when I am finished writing, you can read it all on the screen, but it is not news to you. I find myself in a paradoxical corridor, narrowing everything down on the other end, and me, always in the front of it, starring into the distance, not able to see what was going on a few minutes ago.
And even if I see the obvious, I can still not see what is real.
It is as if I had stepped behind a mirror, and now I can see myself sitting there, and feels more unreal than anything. Or as if I have entered the Bermuda Triangle. It’s just not my reality, but somebody else’s.
Well, and this is what happens, when “someone” becomes your “religion”.
It is so overwhelming in the end. I cried yesterday, because I found out so many things I had already seen and I did not know. In 2002, I began to write a story, well about “someone”, and I went on writing over the years and I thought it was total fiction, also about me, and about him an his passion (his religion I think because it can’t be anything else, or these people who were around him and me ), but I did not know then, that it was about “him”, or about a religion. You know. I wasn’t aware who and what that was I was writing about. It was just for fun… and because I wanted to be a writer. Writing by seeing into the future which is not written by then is like, the feeling to an extend where nothing makes sense… but actually, I thought nothing of it, I thought everything was as normal, I blanked out completely on what was not so obvious.
Yesterday I read my story again after all these years (which I luckily did not throw away as I had planned) and many details are as far as I know true, and are fitting in. It was clairvoyance, what else? And then it shook me and I had to cry. It is not for anyone to read of course, it is not finished or good or anything, but it shows the many things which happened and are happening in the last three, four years and ongoing I think, to me it is shocking but as well wonderful. It is like a bond which was invisible and unknown to me.
It is either telepathy or something else, which I don’t know yet…. and it makes me wonder, nobody can say, that clairvoyance doesn’t exist. Because it does.
He must have such a strong mind. To me, that is mind-blowing.
Funny, how characters in movies tend to be like me, whereas I see them at first as doing wrong, or doing things that I wouldn’t do…. just thinking, after a while, I mostly find out that they are not so far away from my behavior. For example, a character that I might not like because she is so weird to me, I ask myself, how can she do this like this, and how can she have such a mindset. But then, yes, I do the same things, behaving like her while not seeing it from the outside, only from the inside. Which is naturally something completely different.
It shows, that things are not that obvious for the first minute, not even for your own self.
The second and third look is always required to gain a full prospect.