Tinkerbell fell

Tinkerbell has fallen, she has lost her wings.


I know Saint Hill Manor???

So. I think about a lot of stuff, lately. And in my whole life. (Wanted to write: hole life, which might apply too…)

So how can it be, that I dream of a woman, that really exists in the real world and I can describe her exactly the way she looks and behaves??? Because that is what happened. Although I never met her,  I dreamed of her (and other things like hills, green lands, horses and a big house with windows from the bottom to the top of the building) She even wears the clothes I describe in that dream.

It goes like this: “There was a filly that changed into an old, odd woman all of a sudden, she was pale, had short blond hair, was wearing a beige-brown jacket, and her eyes were pale blue… She came to me and grumbled at me, this is not possible and that all I did was not allowed, and that it was an outrage, and all that stuff.”

There were many wild horses and ponies in that dream that were out of control and also many foals and fillies, and also at least one German actor. I won’t go into the whole dream.

I watched a youtube video of a protest at the IAS Event, in 2014,  that was held at Saint Hill Manor, and well, this woman is on this video. She worked for them, obviously and behaved exactly the way I saw it in my dream, or better, I experienced it in the dream.  That must also be the reason why I copied it to my brain, it must have been a shocking experience for me.

I am not sure what it means. It is obvious though. I thought, I know this woman, but dismissed it immediately because how could I possibly know her or ever have met her.  But —— of course —– it is clear what it means. Just it does not want to come to me as real, it is kind of shocking to me. Of course I know what it means. Of course I know, that this is real. But somehow it is crazy at the same time.

I must have been there.  In the real world, that is called “kidnapping”. But what the heck. It is what it is. Shocking.  And now, look at this: the incident happened on exact that day, the video was uploaded. I never watched it until last week or so.

So, the two things, my dream which I had in 2016, and the event or at least the video, don’t come across each other, don’t belong to each other, but obviously, there is something to it. I did not know the video. I did not know about the woman (security woman?).  I did not even know about the IAS Event until lately. I looked it up in Google. So, how on earth can that be???

The only possible answer is, that the dream was simply covering the truth, and I was there at some time, short time perhaps, and I saw her there. What else could it be. It is not a mystery at all, it is simply an answer to my questions which can’t be put aside. Honestly.

The answer is: I was kidnapped and must have been at Saint Hill.

I still have to swallow it.  It took me three whole years to learn the truth, to see what really happened…  Of course there have been more dreams that add up to the whole story, but it is a lot and would take too long to explain.  But to come to a conclusion, I must say, hence the two days I confused with in my memory, and the point, that I can’t have made all that in time which I did that day allegedly. I’ve been doing all the math  and it just doesn’t add up to it. I even looked up how the weather was at that day, or these two days, which is conclusive with my memory and with the photographs  I made that day.   It was only then that I found out, the days don’t match, I was not back at the day the pictures were made?  It is so unbelievable and no explanation wants to fit completely, but this is all I can make out of it.

So, my heart can’t grab it yet, and I still think, never ever would anyone and especially him do this. But yet they can. sp_a0518

I just hope so much, it wasn’t to make another moonchild.  No, just kidding.

Oh help me lord. I am loosing my wits here. No, it is all as I say. I swear to the bible and the “American  book of amendments”. And to everything else there is. 😉



drawing without a desk…

Back to “creativity” again. Only, not so much.  It’s a bit difficult to work without a desk.   Without anything to do is as worse as it can get. I need something to do.  Also, to get me distracted from my thoughts and my past events – it’s just essential. Or I will fall. Into a deep and dark space.

Plus, I need to express my pain. Other than that, I don’t know.  I am so confused.