Well. I am not a fan of embracing so much. I am lonely anyway, I am not a mother and therefore I have no reason for not looking good, hence fat or out of shape. I am just fear full, so I stay inside and therefore took on a lot of weight. I do not have a man, a man that might have had the friendliness to provide me with children (really, I can’t stand these mothers who are constantly complaining about being a mother, about having had put on lots of weight just due to their damn pregnancy, they are just simply ungrateful to me, at least that is how I would call it)…. I do not have love like these women, and I really really had to listen to men saying that I don’t look like a model and that was always a downright heavy complaint. Fuck yes, I hate people that do complain just so they have something to complain about! Stupid as fuck is this. Sorry for the language.
No, I do not love my body. No I do not want to be fat, called fat ever again by a man, or have to endure another split due to my ugliness, I just hate men for all of this I think, and I am done with love I think too… no, love is not profitable for me in any ways, and as sad as this is, it is a fact.
Plus, I am done anyway: this month I did not have menstruation. So, yes we are done. It is all done. For me, all the problems of this world don’t apply anymore. I am behind everything and I am through. I am through with all my wishes and dreams, and people say anyway, that I think too much (weird, for writing one has to think and relive things in one’s mind, but okay…), and nothing really has any value for me any longer, since fate decided for me how it would go, so no, I am not satisfied and will never be, sorry if anyone of you doesn’t like this, I am just a weird person and will stay that way. I am old.
Dying is so fucking unpleasant. Dying slowly even more so… it takes really a few years now. Oh I hate this world. I am a fat bitch and I don’t want to embrace myself. I want to hate myself so I can/could get better one day, be beautiful so no man on this planet would ever ever speak to me of more beautiful women ever again, or me not being a model as being something bad. I wonder what these other women do, do not ever get these lines, so they can surely love themselves still, well, I can’t because I got these lines, always, and will always hear them, whatever will happen to me, and I am fed up with them, with these sexism lines, you know?
Yes I am sad and a bit furious, I am sorry.
I wish, I had all these normal problems of these weird people, these moms, these women with men who love them, and who don’t care for them to not look so good anymore but do them another baby yet, oh how stupid these women are, horrendous really… But men tend to love stupid women, it makes them look more clever? This world really disgusts me so much.
No, this world doesn’t make any sense to me.
Yes, maybe I am cross and aggro because I did not eat any chocolate or sweets in between meals, okay I think I might have eaten too much though still, I did not really make my goal of eating just a single lettuce (salad) leaf, but well… I ate only one small meal and two slices of bread with (yes, OKAY) butter on it… yes I am still not good enough as a model. STILL, my meal does not consist of just one lettuce leaf.
Disgusting,
and worth some punishment, for sure.
Zerrgebiete 