icy apocalypse

everything just feels ice cold
nothing is right
all is all wrong
my life is in a mess
and I don’t want it
if  I am not wanted
which I am not
by no one
my feet are a lump of ice
my heart does not feel much different
my hands feel colder than before
I fear the day that brings the clear
although already clear about everything, is not everybody yet
nothing will be, nothing ever was
I am all alone
I was in that moment and will be for all eternity
I resent “them”
whoever they are
I resent “it”
if it is at all
I won’t ever want it
my world is a snow cold perpetual ice landscape now
I shudder with cold
the roads are all closed
nowhere to go
grey in grey world
why oh why
they are all with another – always have been or just found a new
I wish them all the luck and warmth
while my cold is all encompassing
and hereby I am all gone
all that,  I should have known much earlier…
in a world full of cold entities
who cares about what I just said
out of this icy atmosphere…
I really can’t breathe
I freeze.

I have my own personal apocalypse…
what a luxury.

ambient vicinity

I just had the weirdest dream
someone showing me the other side
the dead
who are with a blue colored face
we were handling our asthma inhaler
so to assure we could come back
without it would end badly
so we did hold it in our hands
next we stepped onto the other side
at a lamp-post
periphery was not visible
we just walked through a park
a little dog at our side
he ran towards us barking
there was this old man with a beard
and this young fellow
wanting me to see what they see
and we saw them
blue in the face
far away, smiling and grinning at us
there were many
I especially saw these two guys
waving from afar
kind of arrogant and a bit cheeky
these were the dead
but with my inhaler in hand I was safe
to come back
I wasn’t in fear
also because I had company
they exist on the same vicinity as we do
same earth, same place, same air
they are just not physical
hello they said
then suddenly I stepped out of their atmosphere
gone they were
just me and my inhaler
and the empty park
and I opened my eyes
…end of dream.

it tastes like bloody licorice

reading poems

like if they were Lakritz

 

the taste quite bitter                                                 and the atmosphere so grey       like it was already black with bloody dots                                        but I try to keep my head high

 

still.